I've been thinking lately of the best advice or lesson I've received about my marriage and thought I'd share it. I've heard it from more than one person, but I think the Church teaches it as well and that's where I believe I heard it first. It's really simple but so amazing. Put your spouse first. Love him or her first and then focus on the kids, yourself, everyone else.
Of course we need to Love God first but then love your spouse. I love the look my kids get when Kevin and I hug each other. Shea always has to run in between us saying, "I want hugs! I want hugs!" But that makes perfect sense since his whole being was created from our love. Even Meara, at six months, squeals with delight when I show her a picture of us together. I believe it's intrinsic and makes a child feel so whole when their parents show their love for each other. I was talking to one of my friends about this and he comes from a divorced family. He confirmed what I said by saying, "When my parents didn't get along, all I wanted from my whole being was for them to love each other. I wanted to do absolutely anything for that to happen and that was all that mattered to me." I think it's so easy to get caught up in the day to day, -"The kids need this, the kids need that, I'm exhausted, etc." to the point you don't even connect with your spouse until you're exhausted at the end of the day. Kev and I have tried to make a point to give each other at least one decent hug a day and as silly as that sounds it has done wonders for both of us. It solidifies that we're 'team' in the whole parenting thing, and it shows our kids where our priorities are at. We love our kids so much more when we love each other.
You know? You've put this very well, Merry. Hiel and I sometimes feel that we have beaten the odds in the 'marriage game' ... after 31 years, we are so solidly a team that one completes the others thoughts, we find ourselves thinking of things at exactly the same second and then give each other the Rod Serling 'do-do-do-do' chant, and we still agonize over our kids (even though they are grown and on their own). Parenting never ends, but the two of you will remain ... it makes perfect sense to nurture that 'couple thing' continually for the children, as well as for the two of you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Susan!
ReplyDeleteYou guys are awesome. :) I realized that I think it's important even if you don't have kids, but I forgot to say that. We're learning... Hope the fam is well!!
Merry I have a half finished blog post somewhere that expresses the same thoughts. It is essential that we put our marriage first, I could not agree with that more.
ReplyDeleteI would argue that the our priorities should be
1. God
2. Spouse
3. Self
4. Kids
It looks harsh to put kids last but if one part of the other three is off your kids will suffer for it. If you don't take care of yourself then you can't take care of your kids properly.
A healthy relationship with God, Spouse and self is really kid to having happy healthy strong kids.
I totally got the same advice during my engagement... and I agree that it is so true! Not exactly sure how I even stumbled upon your blog, but I'm glad I did. I love the title :)
ReplyDeleteHope to read more soon!